Dependency

I am acutely aware this week of how dependent I am on modern conveniences.

I miss the mail. Not only do I miss the mail but the postal strike has thrown us for a real loop! We were doing really well on our budget but we really depend on my cheques right now and we aren't getting them. I have no idea when they will be here and that's maddening. I'm really glad I don't rely on the pony express anymore! We are supposed to leave on a small vacation on Sunday and we budgeted funds for that out of the cheque we aren't getting till who knows when. BOO!

Our van is being ridiculous again. We took it in for an oil and tire change yesterday and it decided not to start again. It's amazing how much you take for granted that your car will just start. It really makes me realize how I don't even think about it, until it doesn't!

Our phone is also on the fritz and I'm waiting to find out why. Being unable to call long distance is very annoying! I forget all the time and go to call out only to get the crazy tone.

These are all things that I've grown accustomed to working smoothly and boy is it frustrating to have no control over them right now!

Chaos

It was our churches 125th Anniversary this weekend. Of course we celebrate everything with food. I tried. I really, really, tried. I made hot dog buns and brought our own hot dogs to the BBQ. I brought our own juice. I brought our own chips.

Potluck today. I brought potato salad, egg salad sandwiches and our own juice. I bought our own ice cream for dessert.

I really, really, really tried.

If I could show you a picture of my kitchen table at the moment you'd see pure chaos. Chaos that after 2 months of doing this food thing, I am fully convinced is caused by food.

Chaos caused by the handfulls of ketchup chips (surely that brilliant red is natural colouring) that Jack had yesterday before I realized he was eating them. Chaos caused by the 3 or 4 glasses of orange pop and cream soda that Libby had before I got there. Chaos caused by the cupcakes I gave in and let them have after the BBQ yesterday when I realized I forgot dessert and felt guilty.

So for the next 24 hours or so we will live with chaos. Chaos that convinces us that this program IS working, because we see the results of infractions. Chaos that makes me thankful that I found Feingold because chaos doesn't reign here anymore, it just visits.

By Your Side

by Tenth Avenue North

Why are you striving these days
Why are you trying to earn grace
Why are you crying
Let me lift up your face
Just don't turn away

Why are you looking for love
Why are you still searching as if I'm not enough
To where will you go child
Tell me where will you run
To where will you run

And I'll be by your side
Wherever you fall
In the dead of night
Whenever you call
And please don't fight
These hands that are holding you
My hands are holding you

Look at these hands and my side
They swallowed the grave on that night
When I drank the world's sin
So I could carry you in
And give you lifeI want to give you life

Cause I, I love you
I want you to know
That I, I love you
I'll never let you go

Perhaps

Sporadic - occuring occasionally, singly, or in irregular or random instances.

That about sums it up!

Consistent - Unchanging in achievement or effect over a period of time.

Well it's a goal!

Putting a house back together is a lot of work. I haven't decided if it's better or worse than just moving. At least when I move it's a totally clean slate. Right now when I unpack a box, the things in it used to have a home. Sometimes that home has been moved, often it's now just gone. In a new house it's a bit of fun to find a new home for an object. In a house where it had a previous home, I am currently lacking the imagination to find it a new home.

The upside is that a lot of things that I once thought I might need, don't seem so important and have gone on to greener pastures (the local second hand store)

I had grand goals to be finished and completely re-organized by now, but life! It keeps happening! The kids keep wanting to eat, they need a bath, they actually like it when Mommy interacts with them a little during the day. And so, it's been a slow process. Much, much slower than I'd like.